Thinking about an open relationship but unsure where it leads. Here is what research says about benefits, risks, and the real rules that make it sustainable.
Open relationships in 2025 : why so many couples are considering it
Open relationships moved from whispered secret to everyday topic. In the United States, approximately 1 in 5 adults has experienced consensual nonmonogamy at some point, according to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy by Amy C. Moors and colleagues. Curiosity is high, and for many couples it starts with a simple question : can desire and commitment coexist without hiding.
Here is the central point : an open relationship can deliver intimacy and freedom together, or it can strain trust. Outcomes depend less on the label and more on clarity, consent, and health practices. Research has found relationship satisfaction in consensual nonmonogamy to be comparable to monogamy when agreements are explicit, as summarized in a 2017 review in Perspectives on Psychological Science by Terri D. Conley and team. That gives real context, not just opinions.
What an open relationship really changes : benefits backed by data
The main idea is simple. Some couples want room for novelty without ending their bond. They seek fewer secrets, less pressure to be everything to one another, and a way to talk honestly about desire.
Observation from the field echoes that. Studies report that people in consensual nonmonogamy disclose more about encounters and safer sex than those who cheat. Work summarized by Justin J. Lehmiller in the Journal of Sex Research indicates higher condom use and more regular STI testing in consensual arrangements than in secret nonmonogamy. The dynamic tends to be frank, sometimes awkward, yet clear.
The problem to solve is tension between autonomy and security. When open agreements reduce lying and set expectations, many couples report stable satisfaction. Conley’s 2017 review found comparable levels on satisfaction, commitment, and psychological well being across consensual nonmonogamy and monogamy, once relationship quality and agreements are accounted for. So the upside exists, but it is earned, not automatic.
Risks that derail couples : jealousy, health, time, and the law
Jealousy does not disappear with a rule. It simply changes shape. People describe spikes around unequal attention, unannounced plans, or feeling sidelined after a new connection. Without a plan for emotional check ins, resentment grows fast.
Health is another axis. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported more than 2.5 million combined cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in the United States in 2022, with trends still elevated in the latest 2024 bulletin. That reality means testing schedules, barrier methods, and honest disclosure are non negotiable. Consensual does not equal risk free.
Time and logistics get heavy. Calendars, privacy at home, social introductions, even travel can create friction. Legal and administrative life rarely keeps up either. For instance, Somerville, Massachusetts created a domestic partnership ordinance recognizing polyamorous relationships in 2020, followed by Cambridge in 2021, but benefits, custody, or hospital visitation still mostly follow monogamous templates elsewhere. Couples should expect gaps.
Ground rules that protect trust : a practical playbook to start
Analysis points to one missing element in most failed attempts : operational clarity. Not values in the abstract, but who does what, when, and how the couple reconnects after. Agreements work when they are specific, revisited, and written down like any living contract.
- Define scope : what counts as open, what is off limits, and which contexts are allowed or not. No vague zones.
- Set health protocols : testing frequency with dates, barrier methods, disclosure windows, and a pause rule after exposure.
- Create communication rituals : weekly debriefs, a short check in after any new date, and nonnegotiable alone time for the core couple.
- Balance time : cap the number of new dates per week, plan regular couple nights, and rotate who initiates outings.
- Privacy lines : what details are shared, what stays private, and how phones or chats are handled to prevent secret-keeping.
- Exit and repair plan : signals to slow or close the relationship, and steps to restore safety if someone oversteps.
Here is how it plays out with a concrete example. A couple opens dating, limits first meetings to coffee, agrees on quarterly STI panels and condoms for all new partners, plus a 24 hour disclosure window. They schedule a Sunday debrief, and any sign of spiraling anxiety triggers a two week close of the agreement. The approach is not romantic on paper, yet it reduces ambiguity that feeds jealousy.
A sensible last piece is pace. Most missteps happen when changes move faster than emotions. Start with conversation only, then separate dating profiles, then ocassionally in person dates, layering agreements as you go. Each step gets a review date. That slow build lowers harm and keeps attraction and attachment on the same page.
For readers who want the sources behind the numbers : see Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 2016 on lifetime consensual nonmonogamy prevalence by Amy C. Moors and colleagues, Perspectives on Psychological Science 2017 on outcomes across relationship structures by Terri D. Conley and team, and the CDC’s 2022 Sexually Transmitted Infections Surveillance update released in 2024.
Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 2016 | Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2017 | CDC STI Surveillance, 2022 | City of Cambridge, 2021 | City of Somerville, 2020